Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I'm going to be 40 this year. I'm going to be 40 in 40 weeks.

I keep talking about my plans for the end of the year (my birthday is December 27th) and how there will be "40 days of transformation." A lot of yoga. Reading. Meditating. Levitating. Time with friends. Time with family. More yoga.

But what I really want to do is get this whole business of transformation going right now. And it occurred to me yesterday, why can't I? I glanced at the calendar and counted out 40 weeks, which put my little finger just days of ahead of my 40th. It's perfect.

To be clear, I'm not looking for perfection. There are some areas in my life; some very dusty and dark corners that I want to poke into. With some gentle curiosity perhaps. Blow the dirt off, look carefully and find the gleam that I know was once there.

And yes, I could do this at any time in my life. But why not now? Doesn't it make sense to enter a new decade with a cleaner slate? A whiter canvas in which to take all my new-found colors and whirl them wildly and with complete certainty, at a surface that I know is ready for big and bold changes?

I definitely know that I don't want to be this person when I'm 40. The last five years have been my time to react, adapt, push back. I kind of think of my life since 35 as being in the spin cycle of the laundry. You know how a large sweater can twist everything up and cause the whole washer to basically turn inside out on itself? That's how I've felt much of the time.

Just because I'm turning 40 and I'm willing to do a little work in the soul department, I know I'm not entitled to a free ride into the next decade. I know what I have to do is very, very hard. I know that I've made decisions that I'm still feeling the aftereffects from. I know that my biggest challenge, going forward, will be to make decisions that create balance and harmony in my life and to avoid outcomes that make things so off-kilter that I can hardly stand to be in my own skin.

I know. Harsh. Difficult. Not at all appealing.

But so necessary right now. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my heart. The time is so right; so right now.

Week 1 of 40. Here I am. 40...here I come!

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