In Treatment

So I'm at the "Treatment" part in the book I'm reading about emotional/binge eating. I say, Bring It!

Since I can't afford to check myself into an eating disorder clinic (nor do I want to), I am attempting to find my coping resources in the book.

One thing I did yesterday and today was to completely let go of my "structured" eating. I had a big piece of cake at a party last night (no way was I going to pass up a chocolate dessert from Sacramento's famed Ettore's) and I made homemade ice cream tonight, with yogurt, albeit a LOT of chocolate chips, followed by an avocado and some crackers. Strange snack for 8:30pm? Maybe, but at least I stopped with only TWO handfuls of crackers and HALF of the avocado (these being after dinner and dessert, of course). It could have been a lot worse. Is it my imagination or am I hungrier today? Now that nothing is off limits, everything is sounding pretty darn good.

Tomorrow, I'm watching for triggers. Generally, those start for me as early as 5:30am with the dog and the child, alternating turns out of bed.

I'm also observing this debate occur between my body and my mind, something like: "You need to go to spinning class tomorrow," says my mind. "No way," counters my body. "You've done that to me three times already this week. I'm tired. Let me rest. Put less food in me. I don't want to work so hard at burning calories and then at processing all the food you'll throw my way."

I'd love to go back to the kitchen now and finish off the ice cream but I would also love a good night's sleep which I know I have no chance of getting if I return to the kitchen. And as far as spin class goes, I don't know who will win tomorrow.

But I guess I don't need to know until then, anyway.