When

One of my favorite quotes is: "If not now, when?"

I think it's great. Succinct. Thought-provoking. To the point.

So, why can't I get the message of my beloved quote? Why is it so easy for me to push my favorite saying onto others, then not hold myself to the same accountability?

Becoming aware of my "triggers" as they relate to eating, has brought up some yucky stuff this week. Like, how the fuck am I going to live with my mom indefinitely? Since she won't consider her anxiety as being an undercurrent of stress in our household, am I going to need medication to survive this living arrangement?

As the stress mounts, so does my food intake. Then the guilt and the shame.

The reality is, she's not going anywhere soon unless I plan to leave my home. Which I'm not, so that leaves me with one option: cope.

It has to be now. It can't be another day. "When" has been haunting me for days, months, years and I won't let it take another moment away from me. Wish me luck.