Sunday, June 14, 2009


It's been a good three days. I haven't had any paralyzing moments, where I find myself eating to fill a void that can't be filled by food. Instead, I've downloaded pictures, called friends, spent time with a guy I like, and I've even taken a nap. Or two.

Wednesday was my really, really horrific day. It was also the day that Ben graduated and left with his dad for a nine day stint. I felt like I was re-defining every level of sadness on that day. And by nighttime, it was all over...the full-blown binge was well underway.

I'm still sad that Ben is gone but the difference, I think, is that I'm letting myself feel the sadness without masking it with food.

The other major trigger, for me, is my mother. We've spent less time together and during the time we have been in the house at the same time, I've tried to take a deep breath, instead of a big bite, when she says or does something that annoys me.

Three days might not seem like much of a stretch but in my world, it's a very long time. What I find amazing is that in such a short amount of time, I can feel so much better...physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I don't know what my next trigger will be but it helps to know that my main two - Ben's absence and my mom's lack-of-absence, can be alive and well yet controlled in a way that is healthy and appropriate.

Three days. It's not three weeks, three months, or three years. But it will be. Someday.

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